Barnes & Noble Bingo

As a college student I am quite familiar with the blog People of Walmart. Outlining the tragic people who tend to frequent Walmart stores, this site is truly a testament to all things poor taste in America. However I would like to create a companion piece that I witnessed today. While home in Orlando I spent an hour or so just walking around Barnes & Noble. It was one of those trips where I walked around and picked up titles, trying to put a look on my face that said, “Ooo… this looks like something a smart person with free time reads”, but then put them down and walked on. While in there I observed several different archetypes and I would like to share this list with you. Think of it like Crazy Person Bingo.

1. Too Comfy In Public: The anime and manga shelves of B&N bring together a very special breed of dork-titude. This is not against anyone who likes anime. It’s cool if you’re into it. The problem was the man I witnessed reading it. Here was a grown man laying on the ground, ON HIS STOMACH, with his shoes off. Sir… you are in public. This is not your living room. Please use the chairs that the bookstore has so kindly provided for you. 64043955_3a66a2e748_b

2. Technically Not Stealing: Like many, this B&N has a Starbucks in it. This is wonderful for people like me, 1) because I love coffee, and 2) because the added coffee can enhance my “I’m an intellectual who is trying to find a book to expand my horizons” persona.  While waiting in line I noticed a 20-somethings girl studying. Clearly a med student, this girl was not just here studying because it was a quiet coffee shop. No, this girl was obviously using books from the medical section not 10 feet away. But the best part was that I watched her catch herself from highlighting in the book that she had not purchased. I guess it isn’t stealing as long as the book doesn’t leave the store?

3. Spiteful Browsing: These clientele are almost exclusively high school or college students. Commonly heard phrases may include the following: “Edgar Allen Poe… he’s the one with that bird story right?” or “Jenna Er… we had to read that in school and I hate it so much.” Noooo you read Jane Eyre. These are the people who basically just walk through the store pointing out the books they are upset they were required to read. So overall they provide a great sense of amusement with their inability to identify famous literature, but you also want to hit them with a large, hardback book.

4. Too Much Testing: This person is not limited just to bookstores. They also can be found in Best Buy, Target, Walmart, or anywhere that technology can be tested. This girl had planted herself in the section where they let you try Nooks and was taking care of business. She was browsing Facebook, getting directions, looking at Yelp. I mean it is one thing to test a product thoroughly. It is another to treat it like a home computer. Buy it or move along sweetie.