The Most Golden of the Globes: Blog-a-thon Day 12

Tonight is the Golden Globes. That’s kind of exciting. Last year I was super good about watching movies. I watched all of the films nominated for Best Picture so consequently I felt like I was Roger Ebert and could pick the winners from a mile away. This year… not so much. So I decided I would write my thoughts about the nominees for Best Picture based on my experiences with the films… or lack of experiences.

12 Years a Slave: I am hesitant to touch this one. However I feel like it is the token sad historical film that will win everything. It’s kind of like Schindler’s List. Not to belittle the subject matter of the film, but I must wonder if some of the voters select the movie because they feel morally obligated. Prediction: Lots of tears, lots of wins.

Captain Phillips: My question is why didn’t Mr. Phillips aim higher for commandant? Prediction: Someone will make a joke about Barkhad Abdi’s name… or that dude from “12 Years”.

Gravity: I saw this one. It made me superrrrrr uncomfortable and claustrophobic. And it proved that George Clooney is about half as successful as an actor when the swooning women in the audience can’t see his face. Prediction: I will still instinctively think g=g=9.80665 m/s every time I hear this movie… darn you high school science class.

Philomena: Jude Dench is great. I don’t know that she is in this movie because I haven’t seen it, but she is good in pretty much everything else. Prediction: I will forever be in awe of the fact that SHE IS LEGALLY BLIND and learns her lines from someone speaking them to her.

Rush: I have no idea. I assume this isn’t a documentary about the band. Oh was this the race car one? It got nominated for something? I know it has the really hot girl from The Tudors and Elementary. Prediction: I’ll probably watch this on an airplane.

American Hustle: My parents just saw this and said it was good. I haven’t. But it has Jennifer Lawrence in it so it has to be awesome and I assume it is wonderful. Prediction: I will watch the scenes with Jennifer Lawrence on YouTube… a lot.

Her: This is actually one I want to see! It looks really cool and interesting and like someone made iRobot into a romance. I don’t know how I feel about not getting to see Scarlett Johansson and being forced to look at Joaquin Phoenix. I guess it is the little victories. Prediction: I will watch this. I also predict that more than one gentleman will have fantasies involving Scarlett’s voice.

Inside Llewyn Davis: I quite literally have no idea. What is this? I have never heard of this… and I actually read entertainment blogs. Prediction: Nothing. I have no predictions because I have never, ever heard of this movie.

Nebraska: I don’t really know much about Nebraska. It’s in black and white which is hip… I guess. I assume the movie has something to do with corn? Isn’t that what Nebraska is known for? Prediction: This seems like a “Best Sound Editing” or “Best Cinematography” kind of film.

The Wolf of Wall Street: I have this theory that Leonardo DiCaprio does the same movie over and over again with just slightly modified occupations and settings. Again, I haven’t seen it, but he basically appears to have a Gatsby-esque persona except on Wall Street. Prediction: Someone will win something. Yay award!


Other Predictions:

  • Cate Blanchett will win for “Blue Jasmine” because award shows always love a woman in distress.
  • The “12 Years a Slave” guy will win and I feel so sorry for whoever has to say his name.
  • I don’t think Meryl Streep will win, however I predict that whoever does win will feel grief and shame for the rest of their life for beating Meryl Streep in what critics are calling “the best role of her career”.
  • Matthew McConaughey won’t win which means Liza has to send her award to him… if you are confused read about it here.
  • I want Joaquin Phoenix to win just because I think it would be cool because his movie seems cool and Spike Jonze seems cool.
  • The song from Frozen will win. Hooray for Idina.
  • Amy Poehler and Tina Fey will be the best part of the evening.

So I hope you all enjoy my predictions. Maybe you should write some of your predictions below. And I might live tweet the Golden Globes so maybe you should follow me here.

Make sure to comment, share, and subscribe for more musings. And tune in to the Golden Globes tonight at 8 and see if I’m right!