One Up-ing the World: Blog-a-thon Day 10

Yesterday I had something happen. Some would say I made a mistake. Others would say it was simply a social faux pas. Those people are just pretentious and should use words like “screwed up” or “you were dumb”. But that’s not particularly important. What is important is what I did. There I was in Joann Fabrics. The woman at the cutting counter was desperately trying to convince me that if you don’t hang your fabric from clips in your closet you are doing your garments a disservice. I wasn’t having any of it. I am one of those people that, while incredibly extroverted in the right settings, I am not a lover of the overly talkative sales associate. If you walk up to me in a store and ask me if I need help I will say no. If another employee asks me within a 5 minute time frame of the first ask, I will become very agitated. So finally the cutting woman is done. She hands me the fabric and says “Have a great day”. I grabbed it from her, said “alrighty” and walked away. Devastating. I said “alrighty”. I wanted the Earth to open up and consume me whole. I was then faced with a terrible dilemma. Do I go back and say “you have a great day”? That overly enthusiastic conclusion to our conversation would make me seem like a host on Blue’s Clues.


So I continued with my day. I moved onward to Target. I purchased the things I needed. (This is going to be another tangent… enjoy) Why is it that half of the times I go in Target I end up purchasing things that make me look like a total crazy person. For example: Lysol wipes, a pack of bacon, a bag of sugar, a pack of undershirts, and a bottle of hairspray. That sounds like something from an episode of Dexter. And then I somehow seem to think that putting a pack of gum with my stuff makes it all better. Because nothing says normalcy like minty fresh breath while dismembering a body. But I digress… (as if that is a change from my normal writing). So at the end of my Target run I did the thing that all people do… I went to the front and got Starbucks. The person who put Starbucks in Target is truly a criminal mastermind. So I ordered my drink (a grande non-fat extra hot skinny mocha if you must know) and she handed me my little glass of perfection. Now here is where it gets bad. I actually thought to myself “remember to say thanks”. I had learned my lesson. She handed me the drink and said “have a nice day”. I responded with “have an amazing day”. As I walked away all I could think was “I just one-upped the Starbucks barista. I am a terrible person. That was perhaps the most tragically backhanded way to say “I’m more positive than you are”.

These multiple occurrences (and I would like to say this is the only time this has happened… it isn’t) have really proven to me the ineffectiveness of English. Why do we not just have one unified word for “here ya go” and one for “thanks, bye”. I mean I could be onto something big here. I could have just fixed that whole “I accidentally just said ‘you too’ to someone who handed me food and said ‘enjoy’…” I’m basically a genius.

Let me know your thoughts on this pressing and life changing issue. Make sure to comment, share, and subscribe for more musings.