Tales from the Central Park Apple Store: A NYC Musing


I’m in New York City again and I made the unfortunate choice to go to the Central Park Apple Store. While the Apple Store is a wonderful place and I enjoy me a good Apple product, this place is terrifying. With the assistance of my wonderful friend Neal this list was compiled of hysterical (and terribly, socially awkward) observations of people in the Apple Store.

1…Man No. 1’s offense is overuse of Facebook. I understand that there are people who come in and want to try out the MacBooks. Why not? It’s free computer time. But there is a limit that all people should be aware of. This man, whose name I saw and could post with embarrassing results, was chatting on Facebook. But this was not just a small little “hey can we meet at TKTS in 35 minutes” conversation. He had at least 4 chat windows open and was going to town. This is not something that someone should be doing. This is not the place for you to develop your entire online presence

2… Man No. 2’s offense was perhaps even more severe. This man was using the computers to upload photos. The man took an SD card out of his backpack, put it into the SD slot of the computer, and then proceeded to upload the pictures to a jump drive. As previously stated, it is one thing to use the devices briefly, but it is another thing to use them as if you’re sitting in your living room.

3… Offense 3 is the selfie. I can’t say that it is a “Man 3” or “Woman 2”. It’s a wide spread pandemic. I don’t understand why people are ok with taking selfies on public devices. If you open the camera on any Apple product in the store you will see thousands of tourists posing for a picture that no one will ever see or need to see. The fact is almost every person in the first world has a device to take pictures with. Why do you need to use the one in public?

4… Offender Number 4 was the woman with the 87,426 phone cases. I realize that there are a lot of options when it comes to picking your phone case. I even realize that you want this case to not only be functional but be a complete visual representation of you and your personality so it is very stressful. But you are not negotiating the deal for the Louisiana Purchase. You are not Elizabeth Banks talking Sam Worthington off a ledge. Stop making this so stressful and buy it.

5…Our last offender is the shopper with a dog. I know that dog isn’t buying an iPhone. And if they are we need to have a talk, ¬†because I don’t even have an iPhone. They don’t need to be there to help you with your phone case purchase.